She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
