you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
