i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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