We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
