my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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