The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
