Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
