If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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