just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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