im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
