i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
