Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
