I cannot find my penis.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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