listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
