My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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