there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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