haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
