im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
