I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
