Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
