I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
