Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
