Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
