4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
