she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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