whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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