College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
