I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
