Sponge bath it is.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
