I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
