kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You dont lie about slip and slides
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
