she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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