i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
