I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
