Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
