So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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