i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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