apparently the secret to your success is patron
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
