i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
