you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
