chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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