Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
