Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
