I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
