You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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