He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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