I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This baby is an asshole
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
that may or may not have been my penis.
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