I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
