I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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