I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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